CONFESSIONS

I LIKE you too much, it scares the shit out of me.

They ask me why do I like you, a fantasy… They forget that I got PHD in running away from a reality

Even a fantasy can breaks my heart, do I really want to be hurt in real life?

Hi you!

This is THE fantasy.

Pic isnt mine. Credit to owner.

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ME & MY BED

Me and my bed have a very weird yet in a very long term relationship. In fact, we are more ‘together’ than all my previous relationships with human called men.

Sometimes I behave like a spoilt little girlfriend to my bed. Hey, it is not an issue when my bed is more cuddly than a man ( exceptional premise for Xiumin ), warmer and never fails to keep my heart warms especially when I cry my heart out there. Only Allah knows how much my bed dries out my tears everytime.

Jealous much? Lucky Jongdae 😂😂

Sometimes, I really do not want to be near my bed. I even take desperate measure by sleeping on couch or even on the floor. I like sleeping at different places ( sometimes ), so I can have different dreams. Different places, different dreams, right? 

And after avoiding my bed for days and nights, I will long for my bed so much and I do not want to be afar from it. I just want to stay in bed whole day doing nothing. Bed. My bed. I acted like a girlfriend who is missing her long distance boyfriend.

My bed. A place where my dreams begin. A place where my dreams end. A place where I often do my deep thinkings, sometimes too deep… Too deep that it takes my whole night and makes me question my life purposes. Also will make me cry over stupid things such as Xiumin was killed in the first half of his movie and what shall I do in the later half. For Lord sake, it is just a movie, Ain! I still can not move on from it, btw. Damn you, Seondal.

It is 23:19pm now. And I… Is contemplating over useless shit in my bed. Tossing around. While watching over night skyline.

Night view from my bed. I fall asleep while watching this. EVERYDAY.

My bed.

The end.

Gif is not mine unless I state so. Credit to the owner.

2017 RESOLUTION

No expectation,

No dissappointment

Got notification suruh edit draft pasal resolution yakni azam tahun baru aku. Heck NO! *rolling my eyes*

I do not have any resolutions yet. Should I be honest? Yess… Masih wujud manusia yang tak buat azam tahun baru. Plannings… Hmm… Plans… I am making one now. Takde apa yang certain lagi.

Paling confirm? Ada!

Like… Marrying Xiumin? Not Xiumin. Kim Minseok. I do not want the alter ego. Demand much? Patut la tak kahwin-kahwin… They say the goal is not a goal until people say your goal is crazy. Am i crazy? Agakla…. Dalam 80%? Kahkahkah.

Mr. Kim is judging me and my life goal

Come on… I was totally busy kot masa new year eve. Tak sempat nak semangat-semangat.

And I was literally like this when I woke up on the 1st of 2017;

Seriously. No lying here. I really did wake up like this. Blur. Blank. Lost. Slumber. And… Topless. Morning, Luhan! Korang rasa dengan rupa cmni, aku mampu nak fikir azam? 

Then aku busied dengan nak kemas new place. Ada je benda. DO NOT JINX MY 2017! 

1st picture from my new place

Gimme few more days, or even weeks…( Hmm… Months?) to carefully think what I really want this year. I really want Xiumin btw. Cakap je… Tu pun nak emo. Pui.

This year is gonna be my selfish year. Fokus pada diri sendiri, bukan sebuk nak bahagiakan hati orang lain dulu. Self improvement? Maybe. Learning new skills? Barista license? Just like Xiumin has. Hey, do not judge! I also in long term relationship with coffee. I love iced americano and latte. Bagitau je. Hehe… Bukan apa. Prepare kot nanti Xiumin buka coffee bar/cafe, boleh la nak apply keja situ. See? Long term nya thinking. Ko hade? Takde kan~

Just so you know, aku akan gilap lagi my Japanese Language and also learn new language; Korean. Anything for you, Xiumin. Kahkahkah.
Malas ah. Semua life goals aku berkisar pasal Xiumin je ni… Apa cer? Confirm 200% gila.

Ok. Pape, roger. Eh? Ada nombor aku ke? Will update soon~

The gifs arent mine unless state otherwise. Please thanks the owners.

TO MY MOST PRECIOUS PERSON; AIN

My dear Ain,

Yes girl… You thought your name is soooo typically-unindividualistically-not unique-one, but who knows? Your dad named you as same as Yu Ain. Come on… He is so individually talented. And yesss… You follow his instagram just because you got the same name as him. Be proud. Hold up your name high… As high as the sky, as bright as the sun, shines like the stars.

Ain,

When you read this, it means 2017 has come, 2016 just ended. I want you to know that you did well on 2016. You made it through. You shall be proud of yourself nevertheless what had happen. You cried, and got stronger from it. You felt sad, alone and you became wiser from the loneliness. You were happy/joyous and you learnt to be more grateful from it. Pat your shoulder, hold your head up, ” Good job, Ain.”, tell yourself that and 2017 just begun with new hopes, adventures and experiences.

2016; You felt helpless, discomforted, alone… You found comfort in imaginary world, you found comfort in looking at Xiumin, I understand that. You did all you can to be alive. Life is for living. But Ain, enough is enough… isnt it? Do not be afraid anymore. Let your heart falls for love again. Do not build wall. Do not scare to be hurt. Trust people more. Xiumin isnt real, thats why he wont hurt you. You are real, love…

Ain,

You cried to sleep sometimes and you stopped crying since you found THE comfort. I was happy for you yet I am afraid of you. How far you gonna be like this? For how long? You woke up screaming your head off in the middle of night because of the same nightmares that relive in your dream, I am crying my heart out for you. You are so fragile, sweetheart yet you pretend you are so strong. Do not hold back the tears, do not suppress the sadness.

Ain,

My dear Ain,

My precious Ain

Find your happiness in 2017. Find your own world in 2017. Screw people who tell you what you can or can not, screw them who tell you your dreams arent big/good enough. Screw them all. Live for yourself, dear. If you want to leave all of these and go somewhere to find happiness, searching for yourself, GO! 

My little Ain,

Learn to love yourself more. Never say that no one love you, I DO LOVE YOU… So much. I even die for you. Please Ain… Let the wall down, burn the bridge down… Be truer to yourself, own up your feeling. If you sad, give yourself times to cry. Do not pretend you are ok. You are NOT!

It is ok not to be ok.

Ain… My dear,

Find happiness in 2017.

MRT HUNT : #jomnaikmrt

Nama penuh MRT is Mass Rapid Transit. Dalam satu journey boleh masuk estimately around 1200 passengers. Ramai la… Journey dia dari Sungai Buloh ke Kajang. Kalo tak silap ada 31 stesen in between tu estimately around 5+ KM. Rasanya~ p la google. Tak ingat la. Sekali imbas je baca kat screen TV dalam feeder bus. Tapi yang open sekarang hanyalah Sungai Buloh ke Semantan. Yang ke Kajang around mid next year.

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1st Day:

Stesen Surian -> Stesen Mutiara Damansara.

Kesah nya nak p lunch je kat Sunway Giza, memang takde plan pun. Nak tukor CIMB card, offline~ suh tukor nya kemain! Tengah makan tu mai idea nak try MRT yang baru sehari kot berjalan. Lagi-lagi cite nya free ride. Perghh… Join the hype la kami.

Stesen MRT depan Giza is Stesen Surian. Stesen Kota Damansara yang depan Hospital Tropicana, hokey… Jangan terpedaya. Mohon.

Our first trip smooth je… we pun sangat la excited… Tak ramai orang pun dalam train. Kami dengan gaya cik kiah senah yang sangat selekeh aboard the MRT ke Stesen Mutiara Damansara which took us dalam 2minit je! 2MINIT! I repeat… 2minit! Leisure gila! 

Since Stesen Mutiara Damansara stop dekat Surian Tower, kena menapak gak la nak masuk The Curve. Takde hal bro! Tapi, kalo hujan agak lencun gak la… Macam semalam. Pedehal, bawak je la payung kalo hujan. Kalo xde, p beli kat Daiso, RM5.30 including GST. Hahahaa…

Macam biasa, aku tengok ada orang dok park motor kat tempat parking OKU. Sivik guys… Sivik… So, untuk berbaik sangka, kami assume je owner motor-motor tu OKU.

Balik dari The Curve, we tried the feeder bus yang dok dekat Stesen Surian tu. Feeder bus ni tugas nya yang macam aku paham is jalan pusing dalam taman-taman or kawasan yang lagi mendalam berbanding the usual RapidKL. Yang aku paham laa.. Jgn la percaya sangat sbb pemahaman aku ni kadang-kadang tak berfakta pun.

Campur dengan baru lepas hujan, berkabus… Fun kot! Lagipun the staffs; MRT staffs dan feeder bus driver were helpful, bagitau kami information yang kami nak tau. 

Feeder bus dan MRT are free sebulan, so sampai around dalam 16/01/2017. Pastu caj la… Ingat PakJib nak bagi korang naik free forever ke? Feeder bus fix price is RM1.

abaikan muka macam tak mandi tu. Siap pakai spec! Nerd gila.

2nd Day :

Stesen Kota Damansara -> Stesen Pusat Bandar Damansara -> Desa Sri Hartamas (feeder bus) -> Stesen Bandar Utama -> Sambal Hijau, Kg. Penchala (feeder bus)

Parked kete depan D’Shire sbb feeder bus lalu situ untuk ke stesen. Plan dari Kota Damansara nak p makan kat TTDI, tapi dah masuk stesen tetiba tukar idea nak ke Publika. Kemon… Free kot. Pedehal… Free.

Nak ke Publika, we kena guna feeder bus dari Stesen Semantan bukan Stesen Pusat Bandar Damansara. But, kesah nya dalam keterujaan tu kami salah turun stesen dan juga sebab tak familiar trip feeder bus lalu kawasan memana. So, kami makan angin je la dalam bus. Bus yang kami naik ni lalu Desa Sri Hartamas, The H, OldTown sume tu. Lalu Pusat Sains Negara, ada dinosaurs weyh… Aku jakun yang amat! Dinosaurs!

The pro kami salah trip ni, kami jumpa a group of senior citizens auntie uncle yang ramah gila. Tetiba kami jadi tourist guide tak berbayar. Dalam feeder bus depan One Utama pun de old uncle yang ramah. These kind of things remind us betapa multi-racial nya Malaysia is dan we all live peacefully with each other despite berbeza religions, races and cultures.

Sebab kami dah lapar plus salah naik bus, the idea changed again. Tu untungnya free ride. Kami bawak RM18-RM20 je. Kahkahkah… Sebab dari morning run sbnar nya. 

Impromptu gak ni. So belek route map, tengok de ke Kg.Penchala. Pe lagi… Sambal Hijau la… Berbekalkan RM18 dan baju sukan. Hahahaa…

Nak ke Sambal Hijau, turun Stesen Bandar Utama, amek feeder bus yang menuju ke North TTDI. Dia stop betul-betul depan Sambal Hijau tu. Balik pun tunggu feeder bus kat situ. Sat je tunggu… Tak sampai 10minit pun.

Tapi today MRT cam de hiccup sikit. Dia stop lama gila tak gerak-gerak dekat Stesen Bandar Utama tu. Aku dahla ngantuk. Penat. Dah jalan, dia stop lelama lagi dekat Stesen Damansara Mutiara. Pasaipa ntah. Hiccup. De la couple senior citizen yang kena berdiri macam kami. Kesian kot. Yang lelaki muda-muda kami tengok duduk je buat tak nampak uncle ngan auntie tu. Kami tunjuk depa dgn harapan dia bgn offer seats kat uncle auntie, dia tutup muka! Perghh… Takde teloq! 

Again, here… I honestly remind you guys to be more ‘beretika’. Tak salah offer seat pada yang lagi tua or even pregnant ladies. Kot ye pun tak belajar sivik dulu, simpan sikit adab tu untuk masa depan. Juga tertakluk pada parking untuk OKU. Kamon… 

And also, gently reminder, please be careful. Tadi depan kami nyaris de yang tersepit pintu train. Ni bukan lift/elevator yang boleh tahan closing door pakai tangan acah-acah hero drama korea. Bahaya weyh. Bila dia bunyi nak tutup pintu, tolong jangan hulur tangan ke nak lompat keluar dari train ke. Takyah. Takyah. Kalo betul-betul tersepit tadi, mau aku yang trauma setahun.

Akhir kata, kita tengok la betapa lama orang dok excited nak naik MRT ni. Pasni aku nak buat FoodHunt pakai MRT ni. Hahaahahaa….
P try. P. Shoo. P try.