Masih ingat Luhan?

Whom I used to adore before I cold-heartedly love Xiumin more? Well, I still like him. I do.

This is him.

This is Luhan. Lu Han. DeerLu.

And that was his ‘translated’ new song’s lyric since he is Chinese… And he sings in that language…And I… know… xie xie only.

Meaningful song. I tell you.

It was like a damn whole story of his life.

This is him and my Xiumin. 


maigod… I am obsessed!

Thank you to the one who translated this “CATCH ME WHEN I FALL

I will catch you, DeerLu. Straight to my heart.

Eh, ter’pickuplines’ plak.


Be good, Lu. You’ll never let me down.

Eventhough I obviously adore Minseok more, my phone’s ringtone was “Lu by Luhan” before most people said it seems quite sensual for a ringtone. Now “That Good Good” by Luhan is my go to ringtone.

I love you too, Minseok ❤


Nah, youtube link. Jangan lupa sambut Luhan bila dia jatuh. He is too cute to fall… Alone.

Credits to the gif and pictures owners. Not mine.


FUTURE to be seen

Sometimes I wish, I could foresee my future,

So my sleepless nights are bearable enough for my mornings.

So I know my worries are no longer valid.

Then I can protect my heart from being broken, over and over again.

And for the future to tell me that I wont be alone.

But… What if, I am doomed to be alone?


I do not know how stupid I was for keep believing in LOVE after being betrayed so many times. Is this faith? Or plainly stupid?


Love is a commitment.

Falling in love is like taking a leap of faith, believe the person we give our fragile hearts out to wont betray us.

It is like praying. We convey our problems and gratitudes to Allah in our prays, and it takes faith for us to leave our problems in His hands believing He will take care of it. 

And He does.


He does.

Life is not that easy. The ups and downs of it will consume us in no time if we let them to. What make it more bearable is the family;that stands behind us, rooting for us and friends that walk beside us, supporting us all the way. Those friends that hold our hands, pat on our shoulders, hug us to encourage us. 

Come on. Just one more step and you will be there.

Look, I am here with you. You are not alone.

Thats what I am talking about, girl.

I would like to have that kind of friends, especially before I take my leap of faith.


Because, knowing my personality, I am type of person who will isolate myself when I am unhappy. The sadder I feel, the more I isolate myself. The more I isolate myself, the deeper I fell into un-real world that I create myself. Why in the first place you guys think my obsession over Xiumin started?

That is how I protect myself. Sometimes, I fall too deep, too deep even me myself do not know where the bottom, the pit ends. That is torturing.

I kinda begrudgingly accept that my love for Xiumin is lil bit unhealthy now, but… I need it now.

My friends.



I really like u, kid.



Wechat kids

Definition : Bunch of kids who definitely have the ability to spell words properly since they all went to school (perhaps from the tender age of 4years old) yet refuse to use their spelling skills in order to look more hip, cooler than cool.

Trust me.

You look… Hmm… pain in my brain.

Come on. Abbreviation, simplifying certain words, grammar… Are fine. As long as we, human can read it without having to wriggle our little brains, or tails. Eh?

I hate to use my brain for no purpose.

My life is hard enough.

Please do not make me to.

I want to be normal. Once and for all…

“Mat Ri Ye” 

Please… Do not “Mat Ri Ye” me. I do not fond being seen as a dumb girl.

I kinda have pride in my not-so-genius-IQ.

New language? New trend? Come on… I have tons of language I want to learn. I am in fact still struggling with my Japanese Language and now I have to learn Korean too (anything for you, Minseok). Hahaa…lol.

Do not make my brain suffers more.

Please be kind.

Or at least…

Do yourselves a favour.

We all want to look like having IQ of 141. At least.
Kids, your parents sent you to school to learn ABC and spelling for a reason.

Quiz : What is “h73 4wucK” supposed to mean?
Me :

See? Even Xiumin does not acknowledge it. Do not dare ask me the answer. I DO NOT KNOW!

Satu hari

Ku jeritkan pada Tuhanku

Ini bukan yang ku pinta!

Ini bukan hidupku!

Aku mahu lebih!

Kaki ku bentak.

Huh, ego.


Ku hentak kaki merengus pada Tuhan ku.

Pada tika itu, Satu yang ku pikir

Tuhan tak butuh pada ku.

Aku lupa,

Langit yang berpaksi atas ku,

Bumi yang ku hentak ini,

Kaki yang masih sempurna melangkah ini,

Nafas yang ku sedut,

Makanan yang aku lahap,

Makpak yang sayang tidak bertepi,

Adalah milik Tuhan ku.


Dan Tuhan perlu patuh padaku?

Andai Tuhan dengar pun, Dia akan ketawakan ku.

Kau tu hamba. Buat cara hamba. Taati Aku. Ikut ajaran agamaKu. Aku tak butuh apa-apa selain keabadian padaKu. Malah, Aku ampunkan dosamu, Aku sempurnakan hajatmu, sedangkan kau lupa siapa yang mencipta dan memilikimu.

Nah sekarang…

Siapa yang butuh siapa?


Bila kadang mimpi lebih nyata dari realiti,

Mana nak ku tuju?

Langit mana nak ku junjung?

Bumi mana nak ku pijak?

Dahan mana nak ku gapai?


Ganti bulan,

Makin jauh jatuh dalam mimpi,



Mana beza nya?

Mana tugu tanda nya?

Realiti nya,

Kesembuhan jiwa yang dibutuhkan.

Dalam sujudku ada tangisan.

Mana arah?

Mana destinasi?

Hidupkah kalau paksinya badan berjalan tanpa jiwa?

Bila hati kosong tanpa rasa?

Bukan ini realiti nya…

Demi hidup,

Demi jiwa,

Bawalah aku ke mimpiku, Tuhan.

Biarkan ku diam di sana.


Just so you know… I have been living alone like… Forever. I am single for like… Damn you, ETERNITY!  

For those who is closed to me know that I have been obsessing over 2 things;

  1. Coffee
  2. XIUMIN a.k.a Kim Minseok

Hi Minseok! 

In 2 more months, new year is gonna happen. My friends are getting bored of me ( damn! )… They wont. I am fun. Hahahahaha… Some of them have been proposing me to migrate out of here.

Maybe I am off by far better out there. Maybe.


Yesss…. Maybe.

You guys are not trying to get rid of me, right?

Wanna get rid of me? Talk to the hand, bro! Hahaha

Since loneliness is consuming me more than ever now, I plan to own a cat, right after I settle down at new place.

A cat… Yup. You hear it right. A cat. A black one.

I want to own a cat so I can call him, Baozhi. And he will make this face everytime I call him;




Xiumin’s fans said he is afraid of cat.

Heck, I am terrified of cats.

I never have a cat. I tried to own pet. Tortoise. Even he dead. No worries. I did a very nice memorial service for him.

I tried to own cacti too. Even the cacti dead. Damn ME! They just wont sprout when I want to grow something. Maybe I should just focus on raising my own kid in future.

I do not care.

I want to own BAOZHI!

Cheers to BAOZHI

p/s : the gifs and pic are not mine. Credit to the owners.