I pretend that you do not exist. At least no more. I meditate away the chaos you brought into my mind. All i remember is i am trying.

Trying to hold on.

The question is until when?

When everything is right, when you is the right onep, i should not be a burden, my existence should be matter. I am matter. I deserve.

I do not want to recognizing what I had, 10 or 20 years too late… When feels right, ask me again, hoping it is still not late.

For now and for 2018, I am putting all my faiths in Allah. And for now, I am deleting all.



Here I sit… looking over at the highways, and cars, and buildings, and any traces of a human possibly have. Ah, the trees too. My place got no electricity since afternoon and it nearly drives me crazy as my phone batt was at his 30% and the power bank was not charged prior. It feels kinda romantic to sit here with coffee, book and my beloved vanilla scented candle.

It makes you think about life. Hard.

It is indeed one crazy month.

A friend just divorced her husband of 5 years, no longer love the husband. Well, I do not really like the husband ( and his arrogant mother) too. How dare she rolled her eyes on me? I am not sorry. Now, this girl lives her life to the fullest. With a person who loves her. She too.

That same day, I said yes to a stranger that I never meet IRL. I do not know why but my heart just went beyond my logic. I felt at ease. I did not have doubt. My mind was clear. As clear as the sky on that day. Because he made it sounds sooo easy. We were on the same page. We have the same ideas ( still hopefully) in wedding things. I might have elope with him that same day if I have no love towards my parents and family. I am gambling on Allah’s fate.

We stop talking for 10 days now. And counting.

The day we cease the communication (his doing, not mine), husband of my other friend reached out looking for his wife that has been running away from home since two days ago. I am one of her close friends. He confessed, admitted to his wrongdoings whatsoever, that made my heart leaped out. Infidelity. Now, she is filling for a divorce.

What has happened?

Does not love conquers all?

How can you betray someone you say you love dearly?

Now I am thinking what the hell is I am doing with my life?




Konnichiwa! こんにちは!

Bonjour! Salut!

안녕 ! Annyoung!!

nǐ hǎo ! 你好!

Such a long time, right?

Since dont have thing to rant about.

Nope. Just too lazy to rant on.

I am a professional procrastinator.

I even procrastinate my anger, sadness and in this case, rant.

Friends thought I am such a laidback person, rarely got angry. They do not know I am just too lazy to do that. So, PMS or not, I dont have one.



Woww… A sky bridge. Eh no, bridge by the clouds.
It was like heaven usually in Hollywood movies


While I am writing this, I am alone ‘makan angin’ dalam feeder bus, journey from SkyPark to MRT Kwasa Sentral. Alone aku memang alone weyh…. Aku sekoq2 je dalam bas ni. Biasa nya turun flight aku terus book grabcar but today decide nak try betapa ‘efficient’ nya public transport yang digembur-gemburkan. Berpeluh gak la ketiak tunggu bas kat bus stop sebab paneih. Sebab kete dok parking depan bus stop, bas-bas macam problem nak stop. Aku dah la katik, nasib baik driver T804 ni alert, nampak lambaian kasihsayang aku.

MRT Kwasa Sentral
Lengang… Parking boleh 4kali melintang. Setiap petak satu tayar pun boleh.

Dengan berbekalkan backpack, aku serius nampak macam pelancong! Pelagi… Acah-acahla. MRT Kwasa Sentral to MRT Mutiara Damansara is RM2.60. Ada one staff yang assist from the start how to buy the train token, siap camne nak tekan mesin beli tu. Kahkahkah. Sedia small changes sebab coins, RM1 and RM5 je mesin tu nak. Memilih! Hahhahahaa…

Token RM2.60
Udah sampei train nya…. Wuhuu…

Tak Ain la kalau tak sesat… Well, aku salah kuar gate Mutiara Damansara, so kena bertapaklah sikit ke feeder bus yang akan ke Damansara Perdana->Bukit Lanjan. Bas perantara ni akan lalu betui-betui depan umah aku. So, bagusla… Korang mesti tengah impress kan camne aku boleh tau? Cmne aku yang lahir cemerkap ni tau info berguna ni? Mestilah ada petua iaitu JANGAN SEGAN BERTANYA. 

So, sekarang aku dalam feeder bus T810 untuk ke umah aku. Ecehhh, macam khas untuk aku plak. Mestilah sebab aku sekoq2 je ni. Kata nya bas ni akan gerak every 15minutes. So, lagi 15minit aku kena tunggu, bertapa dalam bas. Naseb aircond. Kalo tak, berkari ketiak.

MRT Kwasa ke Mutiara around 7minit! Eh…Xiumin…Hi!

SkyPark -> MRT Kwasa Sentral: RM1

MRT K.Sentral->MRT M.Damansara : RM2.60

MRT -> MyLoft,D.Perdana : RM1


Total journey : ~1 hour

Sekian, laporan pelancong tak bertauliah.

One day I wish I will wake up from my sleep, pack my stuffs and leave…



Maybe, on that day, I will follow my heart and run straight to you.